My Journey into Self-First
I recently came across this passage in one of my early journals; it reminded me that at one time loving myself was a process and not just a given. I love it when I get to see how far I have come...I hope you will see you do that too!
A beautiful person, a wonderful Human Angel that I have the pleasure to know is an aura reader. Her gift is to see the beautiful colour of our soul. She has “read” my aura several times over the last 10 years.
In the first session she spoke of my green and blue. Blue being the “garbage in” things I had chosen to believe and hold as truth. These beliefs or truths made me believe I was less than, broken, hurt and in need of healing. Green was my healing process colour – the thoughts and beliefs I was in the process of changing and working through to have a better understanding of who I really am. My green was me becoming self – self empowered.
Choosing to let go of things others said or did that I took to my heart and nurtured until they became my reality and my truth instead of theirs. Little did I know they were not a part of me. Not really. Those words were a self-destructive thought or belief that I had already wondered about in my own mind so hearing it from an outside source seemed to make it that much more real.
In the beginning I had two layers of blue and green and as I moved through my life I started to pay attention to the truths. Slowly I started to really work on loving me. On looking at myself in the mirror and facing what my body was telling me. I started to listen more closely to my soul, rather than those around me. I read books from people on a similar journey and I started to see they too were looking at themselves in a new way.
I pointed myself in the direction of JOY. Anything that brought me joy, I gave to myself as a gift; a book , a few hours of doing nothing on a sunny day in my backyard, a massage, a course on healing modalities, a healing circle, sleeping in, asking someone else to help me in the household chores.
All these and more I started to give to myself to make myself joyful. Pretty soon, I let myself spend money with joy and welcomed a change in careers. I gifted myself with a Caribbean Cruise and let myself open up to intuitive gifts such as clairsentience, clairvoyance, clairaudience and all the Clairs you can imagine. And I became happy, content and peaceful. I started to be who I really am.
Then one beautiful day, I went to see my dear aura-reading friend and she gave me the gift of clarity. She said, “If you could see your aura – you would see that you have no more green and blue, just beautiful purple (spirituality) and gold (life force energy). It sparkles and shimmers and is a joy to behold. What a change from the first time I ‘saw you’”.
In that moment I realized that I truly do love who I am now. That by giving myself the gift of being happy I had grown into my spirit. I had become empowered, healed and loved by the most important person in my life…ME.
I love who I am right now – not who I was or who I hope to be – but me right now. I will continue to gift myself with joy because I know when I do that all those around me share my joy. Gift yourself each day with something beautiful that makes you happy – you would be surprised how often it costs you nothing, but is priceless. Smile at yourself in the mirror. Wear your pajamas all day, help someone at work without being asked, breathe in the morning air or stop and look at the moon shining in the sky. All these are gifts for your soul.
Revel in them; immerse yourself into your Self.